


I'm Sorry For What I've Done

by UnknownGayToaster



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memory Loss, Minor Injuries, Past Character Death, Psychological Trauma, References to Drugs, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:28:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21854506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnknownGayToaster/pseuds/UnknownGayToaster
Summary: Maine feels free now.The AI's have shut down .He has a familiar someone that he's determined to see.
Relationships: The Meta | Agent Maine/Agent Washington
Comments: 13
Kudos: 42





	1. Chapter 1

There’s silence, for once Maine has his thoughts to himself. No panic from the A.I’s screaming in his ears,it’s been a long time since he heard absolutely nothing. Sigma and the others logged off semi-permanently leaving him alone to think as he sank down with the warthog attached to him by a wire.His armor was the only thing keeping him from drowning and freezing to death.He was aware of what he did finally there was no confusion of his mistakes no second guessing. Everything felt slow down here,he was allowed to think about his regrets, how he killed most of Project Freelancer ,who he considered family ,all gone.

He could feel a slight pain in his throat it reminded him of everything that caused this . A complex injury. . . .

It was so loud when it happened,his throat felt dry as air hit it a feeling of wetness of a metallic taste in his mouth. He hated it and the ringing in his ears it took him a while to understand what had happened he felt so much pain it was unbearable .The freelancers couldn’t hears his sounds of pain,they thought he was taking the pain like it wasn’t a problem, they were terribly mistaken. He physically couldn't scream or anything of the sense.

He remembers waking up in the medbay,all alone, for hours on end.It was kind of depressing if he was honest with himself, looking so broken that people can’t tell if you look alive or dead,they can’t tell if your awake ,if your breathing ,or if your in pain. He stayed still ,they couldn’t tell that he was awake, so many hours of silence . He couldn’t grunt for attention of the doctors from outside the room,the room smelled like antibiotics and a long list of other drugs Maine didn’t want to name.He didn’t want to remember. His throat gave a sizzle of pain it felt on fire but not of bad as before ,before … He can’t remember all too well besides the feeling and sounds ,oh the horrible sounds.

It took so long before someone came ,he remembered grey armor and a bit of gold ,Washington came to see him .To make sure he was okay, when Maine thought about it they probably had to put him on hold so Wash couldn’t see him.He remembers his body trembling,in stress or fear, not in fear of Maine but of what Maine might end up with,injuries and pain. “Hey Big Guy,glad to see your awake ..”Maine didn’t like how much Wash was trying to sound okay when he really wasn’t,he tried to let out a grunt.But couldn’t...the sound wasn’t human or didn’t sound like it atleast. His grunt of affirmation was cut short by his own distaste of it, he didn’t feel comfortable even making a sound.Wash had an expression of worry on his face ,Maine didn’t have to look hard to see that.

Wash tried to spend time with him, Maine appreciated it a lot since the doctors weren't the best company in all honesty.

When Maine thought about it his memories after the accident were iffy, like the haze of a dream that your trying to remember but can’t get the details right.That was probably Sigma’s fault, making him focus on the useless task of getting the AI and manipulating him so thoroughly, isolating him from others and making him feel as if he could only trust Sigma .He remembers the freelancers started to leave him one by one from them being uncomfortable by his presence. He remembers the last one that left him… left him to Sigma’s reign..it was Wash, he doesn’t hate him for it because he remembers that he’s the one who told him to leave..

He didn't feel strong anymore like he did a few years ago, his muscle mass was nothing compared his time as Agent Maine.He didn’t like it one bit. He was known as a powerhouse,someone if you called, would help in whatever fight you had to deal with he used to be something great . His friends in Freelancer would be disappointed in him, at how he let himself go so weak. Well.. not all of them, he had to think for a second at who, Washington wouldn’t care he’d still stay by his side.The rookie who foolishly tried to befriend the scariest Freelancer there was, and succeeded He misses Wash, he probably hates him now, that should be the case at this point but he can’t help wanting to pull him into his arms and hold him tightly and never let him go. But he wants to, he really really wants to.To brush his hands against Washington’s blonde hair he knows it was usually soft maybe these days it would be not as much but he wouldn’t care. He just wanted to see Wash again even if it was a look of disgust on his face when he would see Maine.

His air supply was running out out he didn’t have much time maybe 5 minutes maximum , the cold was slowly getting to him. He got a knife from his thigh, immediately cutting the wire that was attached to his chest, he had control of what he wanted to do now, it was exhilarating . His adrenaline was kicking in fast , his body felt numb to his injuries he continued swimming his head being filled with his own thoughts of freedom and decisions of his own mind.

His hand grabbed onto the ledge of the ice it was breaking from his grip , he pulled himself together pulling himself up, his vision was getting blurry everything was too bright for his own good . His rush of energy ran short, leaving him to collapse on the ice, he was breathless but determined to live. His head started to spin, he tried to hold onto consciousness but his efforts were put to waste as his vision turned black.

He can’t leave yet, it’s not his time to perish yet.


	2. Chapter 2

A bright light is all he sees , he hates what it reminds him but he tries to put that thought behind him. He has freedom over his thoughts so he thinks about where he may be. He thinks hard ,his eyes adjust to the light and he sees..more white? It wasn’t a hospital that’s for sure, maybe a UNSC facility but not a hospital . He’s plugged into a machine,an IV pump giving him fluids, someones trying to fix him and he doesn’t like it. He puts his hand at the back of his neck and feels no piece of technology that's supposed to be there, he knows why they removed them from him.

The AI shut themselves down and they wanted to open them back up, Maine is somewhat free, until they try to put them back in him, he has a chance to leave when he can. He feels better than before, better than he ever felt since Meta ,he looks at the clipboard at his bedside and sees that it's been 5 days since he came here apparently. He feels too good being here, like he wants to stay here,there's maybe something in the fluid something that makes him feel numb to his pain, and numb to the thought that somethings wrong .He wants to get out of here, there's something he doesn’t remember, like there was a reason why he wanted to leave this place there’s someone he wants to get out of here for.

A doctor enters the room with another clipboard they speak. “Good Morning Agent Maine.” They speak so calmly it annoys him ,and the words they say makes him remember someone he hates. Someone who controlled him, something who directed his every move ,the Director, the doctor reminded him of the Director..

But the thought of the director didn’t anger him as much as it should, there’s something that he wants to get much more, it isn’t because of anger, surprisingly. Agent.. Agent,agent,agent, the word rang in his head, something about the word Agent . Agent Maine, why was he called that, he knew it was his title but why? Agent Maine, why would his name be based off a state? His memory was getting fuzzy, he needed to remember why he needed to leave this place,Agent…Nevada..?That was a state ,but it didn’t ring any bells..Georgia?It rang a bell but it wasn’t important from what Maine could tell,maybe he was the only one a state for a name..

D...d ...Dan?....No, not that, Dave? No,not either D…..d.. Da… David! David! Washington!Agent Washington!

A huge chunk of memories came back to him,he needed to leave because of Washington ,he needed to find Washington.

He carefully pulled the IV from his wrist under the covers , he needed to be calm about his plan,he couldn’t just wing it no matter how much he wanted to do this whole thing quickly . The doctor came to him “Do you remember anything upsetting?” It was a stupid question to ask and for him not to be suspicious about it. “I need to give you your medicine for you to feel better.”

The doctor came closer to Maine, Maine felt panic flow through him ,he grabbed the doctor by the head and slammed him into the bedside table and his panic only grew. He saw the doctor impaled into the corner, he saw the blood on his hands , he felt his chest grow heavy with panic and guilt, he couldn’t justify this..

He got out from his bed, and exited the room he needed to stop thinking about this, he couldn’t do this,  
A voice grew in his head, it wasn’t Sigma but the Meta ,him as the Meta.  
“ Want to stop you. Don’t let that happen. Don’t let ‘it’ happen again.”  
And he was right, they can’t stop him because if they do he won’t have another chance, he agreed with it.

He walked down the hall to the main room, a doctor stood in front of a computer with the AI chips put inside it. With a clean snap using Maine’s hands the doctor had his head turned 180 . They dropped dead when Maine left go of their head ,their eyes filled with shock in the last second of their life that would stay like that forever on their expression. He didn’t feel all too guilty about it, something in his head said that they should be the one who feels guilty.

The doctor was holding a datapad,which was now on the floor a foot away from the dead body.Maine picked it up,and opened the newest data entry made by the doctor, it wasn’t short by any means but at least it would help him get a better grasp on his situation. He opened up generally over view to see that there were a lot more a single entry that he could read later on if he had time to do so. For now he would start with the newest entry from this evening.

Jan 6 2XXX

The subject named Agent Maine by our main expert on these tests has went into a stable condition and will be awake within a few hours at the earliest. I worry though,at the lack of effort made by our best scientists they seem to be in fear of our subject and his aggressive behavior in the past.

But they shouldn't be afraid, the formula made by our Captain will work wonders ,Agent Maine within a few minutes of being awake will forget everything that has happened to him, and shouldn’t be aggressive especially when we calm him down with some meds that the Captain said should work best for the Freelancer.

The plan of putting Agent Maine under the SPARTAN experiments and putting the AI back is going decently but not as well as it could be , we need to hurry up we have less than a week to start the experiments up and get him ready for it.. We have to get him up to full strength , even it we make the operation more survivable we can’t guarantee full success without Agent Maine cooperating and exercising to get his frame back in similarity to his time back in Freelancer..  
On a non scientific note I must acknowledge something that makes me feel disturbed by the Captain.  
They address The Meta as Agent Maine and force us to do so whenever we are in their presence, as well make us use he/him pronouns. I hope the Captain realizes that we’re dealing with something that isn’t all too human. Even if they try to convince us with these small changes of speech. It won’t change what The Meta is at heart.

Signed,  
Doctor Harvor

Maine closed the datapad ,he was uncomfortable about this news. A small part of him felt angry about the entry in the notes. First that most of the people here considered him an item not a living being, especially with the last note that the doctor made at the end of the entry . He tried to keep a calm demeanor, it used to be true he said to himself but now he is free from the clutches of the AI that controlled him. But now he was free, free to do what he thought was best, free to try his best to go back to Washington the best he could.

He had to think about how he could make this situation work in favour for him. The SPARTAN operation they spoke of would do him some good to bring him back to full strength, and gave him a chance to forget the Meta as a whole . There were two issues first he has given away the fact that he’s not controllable and they can go through with the experiments involving turning him into a SPARTANS and if he somehow does manage to act calm, they're going to make him lose his freedom by putting the AI’s back into him.

He hated the idea of that happening to him again.  
His head pounding at the screams of voices in his mind, Sigma trying to control the main operation of their goal turning them into a single AI.  
“Agent Maine, get Agent Washington we need Epsilon to complete our goal.”

They will fix them into him by force permanently.  
The idea made his legs weak, leaning on the wall to regain his self-control.  
He left out a sigh and opened the datapad to see if we could find a downloadable map of this place. And surprisingly there already was a map installed, he could go to the Captain's deck and encounter them. He felt like it was the best destination at this point to take control of whatever what happening .He followed with the map to see where the Captain's deck without running into other individuals that could stop him. Sneaking missions weren’t his strong suits, but that reminded him of when he had the AI and didn’t have to worry about his strong suits only if he had the ability to do it.

He didn’t miss it, the reassurance of the fact that the AI were in control of his mistakes and success. His brain melting from lack of activity, every decision was of their choosing,he was a shell. He didn’t need them he knew it he didn’t need an AI when he started out as a Freelancer, and he wouldn’t need one now.

He slowly made his way to the Captain’s deck and during this passed by his room which he had been in less than 20 minutes ago, he didn’t dare to look inside and continued forward. The doors slid open to reveal that one person was inside he knew they were who he was looking for.

Their arms were position behind their back they stared through the window showing the galaxy that surrounded the ship. Their snowy white hair rested on their back in a loose ponytail they made look way too relaxed. They wore a white trench coat which didn’t look to be apart of safety protocols if there was any,it was to look fancy. They looked like a grey-scale picture it was bothersome to look.

The Captain looked over their shoulder to check who was there once they fully saw Maine only then did they turn around . They had baby blue eyes it was one of the only things colourful about them. Maine felt uneasy in their presence. Then they finally spoke ,  
“ Hello Agent Maine, it's good to finally be in your presence.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed chapter 2 of "I'm sorry what for I've done" Give a comment if you have the time to.
> 
> I'm hoping to post once or twice a month to keep a steady flow of chapters but I can't assure that 100%.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was a bit hesitant to upload this chapter because it's a bit of a mess and I know that but I don't know a way I can write this in a way that cleans everything up so I'm leaving it as it is besides I worry if I spend too much time on a chapter I'm going to get uninterested in writing.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it never the less!

“Hey Maine?”

Maine turned his head to the blonde laying on his bed, he made a noise to conclude that he was in fact listening to him.

“Why do you hate people touching you?”

Maine didn’t respond for a few seconds, before giving a proper answer.

“Obnoxious. Annoying.”

There was silent for a minute, before David spoke. “That's weird.”

Maine raised an eyebrow at the answer in confusion , David wasn’t one for judging others.

“You didn’t seem to mind me leaning on your shoulder at lunch.” David smiled and continued .

“You would have gave York a concussion if he tried something like that.” He chuckled at the thought.

It made Maine think for a second, he didn’t mind David touching him. It made him feel warm inside in all honesty.  
Maine gave him a shrug in return, he wouldn’t admit that he agreed with David.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maine stood in silence with the Captain, his stare was as monotone as his  
expression was. Captain finally ended the silence, “Well I’m sure you would rather we talk in private.” They look at him, their expression was odd. They looked glad to see him, which was odd in itself but they looked glad in a sinister way. They started walking to their desk, his muscles tensed up a bit he didn’t like it.

Their finger pressed a button a microphone, his hands grabbed a small side table ready to throw it-

“Hello this your Captain Victory speaking, all inhabitants of Gloria will be evacuating in emergency pods, a dangerous parasite is infecting the ship in under 20 minutes the ship will be going into lockdown. Victory out.”

Immediately after the sound of feet running outside, Maine was surprised eyes widened staring at the Captain. They let go of the button, and a large smirk was on their face.  
“ See? Completely private.”

Maine really didn’t know what he had just gotten himself into.

They waited until the clock went to zero and the ship went into lockdown, Maine had leaned against a wall for most the time. His legs still had trouble handling his own weight seeing that he had been on a fluid-only diet for the past 5 days. The Captain let out a sigh which caught Maine’s attention and lose attention in the pain in his legs.

“Welp that took a while, do you have any questions?” They smiled, at Maine.  
He stepped towards the desk they sat at and slid the datapad towards them, they picked it up and had a quick read of what was on it .

“Oh... I see.” They put it down on the desk.  
“I made a slow working formula that would cause short-lasting memory loss which would be overridden from any large piece of information that meant a lot to you in the past.”  
Maine paused for a second, and thought about the last few words.  
Information that meant a lot to him? He was thankful that his face didn’t redden at the idea that the memory of Washington meant a lot to him.

“What was it?”

It snapped Maine out of his thoughts, he raised his eyebrow in confusion.

“What was it that snapped you of the formula? Person? Sibling ?”

He shook his head, he didn’t even know why he asked the question with honestly.

“Was it a Freelancer?”

Maine paused, not responding to the question but they seemed insistent to know who.

“ Are they dead?”

He finally responded with words mixed with a growl but he at least spoke somewhat ,  
“No.”

They smiled genuinely, “ They must mean a lot to you.”

Before Maine could do anything they continued on speaking,  
“ Anyways I’m sure you want to continue with the operation since you haven’t killed me yet and you aren’t all too pissed about it. So I’ll do my best to explain.”

Maine sighed and got himself ready to listen to whatever he would have to get ready for.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wash smiles, looking at Maine his hands gently against his cheeks while he lays underneath him. It gives Maine a warm feeling in his chest, looking at Wash makes his heart skip a beat. He enjoys his touch, how gentle Wash is with him even if he’s a war machine. He felt calm, sadly it didn’t last long.

David’s grasp on Maine tightened nails digging into Maine’s skin, he snapped out of his calm haze. Wash glares diggers into Maine, his baby blue eyes filled with love and smooth pure skin turned into pale white skin, his eyes were dark eye bags they spoke of hatred turned to him.

His hands pulled him closer centimeters apart from Wash’s face. Maine’s face would have flushed a deep red if it weren't for the confusion on his face of Wash’s.

“You Killed them all”  
“You slaughtered them like animals.”

Maine eyes widened at his statement, he didn’t want to hurt them, he didn’t mean too. Before he could respond Wash spoke,

“You would have killed me if you have the chance.”

“No..”

“Stop lying to yourself.”

He felt something drip from his hands it felt cold…

He looked down to find blood dripping down his palms, he looked back to Wash see something disgusting...  
Wash’s neck gutted similarly like his now healed wound, it made him sick to his stomach. He stepped back from this corpse, the blood dripped down his forearm, it seemed to be everywhere on him spattered on his chest and face.  
He hated it , he hated it all.

“Good job Agent Maine, now that Agent Washington is out of the picture, we can focus on more important matters at hand.”

Maine whimpered to Sigma under his breath.

“Isn’t this what you wanted?”

He repeated himself. “No…its not…”  
His voice was raspy, it hurt to speak, everything hurt.

“Liar, you enjoyed it.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maine woke up in a cold sweat, the sound of a beeping clock woke him up from his dream, or nightmare so to speak. His heart was beating like crazy, he tried to calm down, Wash was fine, he was fine. It was hard to think like that, he tried to take his mind off the nightmare by remembering that experiments started today, exercising was today's main focus. Maine was large, but skinny more or less at this point in time, he needed to bulk up. He liked the idea but could be his old self that he respected during Freelancer.

He walked down the hall and went to meet the Captain who he now knew as Victory. They used the names Victoria and Victor but they were known by most as Victory. He opened the door to see a large white empty room with retractable panels on the floors and walls.

Victory stood in the middle of the room wearing…..pajamas?  
Pajamas with light pink and blue slippers and a bathrobe.

“This will be your training grounds! “They yelled out for Maine to hear.  
They walked closer to him, “You will be trying out your usual exercise routine during Freelancer minus battle exercises. If needed you will ask me for weights, and I recommend you lower the weight for safety reasons .”  
Maine mumbled under his breath .

“440.”  
Victory paused for a second. “I’ll get right on that then.”  
They went to leave and finally said, “And remember, don’t over do it.”  
The door slammed closed and echoed through the room, Maine sighed at times like this he wishes Wash was with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this mess of a chapter. Please comment down below your opinion, it always motivates me to write more!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got me back into the grove of writing, it was really fun to write and made me have a lot of thought about what the next chapter should manly about.  
> I'm already in the middle of writing to next chapter so hopefully a new update will come out sooner.

  
He was tired, all he did was work.   
To be honest he felt pathetic, he could barely lift the 440 pound (that he himself requested) weight 25 times in one sitting when he knew he could do way over that during freelancer .Victory said he was doing a lot compared to a normal human being but he didn’t care.  
 _He .Was .Supposed .To .Be .Better._

He could tell Victory didn’t like his attitude, almost every rule for his health was broken on a semi-daily basis.  
Only exercise for 3 hours and no more. Broken.  
Maine did 6 hours.  
Have 12 hours of sleep. Broken.  
Maine only slept for 7.  
Victory said he should have 6 small meals per day.  
Maine sometimes ate 4 on the lucky day.

He was breaking so many rules, Victory thought it would only last a few days, they thought he needed time to adjust, but they were wrong he just didn’t care for them. He wanted to get strong , but he was moving too quickly.

They yelled at him one day for his behaviour asking what was causing him to act like this. After they calmed down from their rant he simply spoke.  
 **“Need to find someone.”**

That shut them up for the day…  
The next day however they were pleased to find that Maine ate 6 meals throughout the day and it was that Maine slept for 11 hours. Though he still kept his 6 hour and more workout routine.

They understood that he wanted to get strong as soon as possible .  
So they waited 3 months before he could finally get to at least a similar point of Agent Maine, being able to carry 780 lbs(350kg).  
Run 30km/h (18 miles).  
He was surprised at his speed, it was a big improvement even for freelancer. But then again he was never one for speed.

Victory told him that he can start procedures soon in a few days, maybe 3. He worked overtime but it was understandable, it was needed.

When the day arrived he wasn’t scared, he was calm, he was ready. Victory had told him of the dangers months before, 80% chance of survival. It was enough for him..

Victory strapped him down and put him into the chamber. Victory said that he would be put to sleep almost instantly. And that's what happened, he fell asleep his eyes grew heavy and his vision blurred to black.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maine just exited the training grounds and had beat Wyoming to a pulp, he remembered it all so clearly.

He grabbed a pistol, and a non-lethal shotgun. The timer to choose weapons was running out, he didn’t care much since he already knew what he wanted. He only wished Wyoming was having the same luck ,he didn’t want to fight an undecided soldier. But it didn’t matter about his preferences, it mattered for him to win.

He exited the weapon chamber and out onto the battle grounds, and stood in his place until seconds later he saw Wyoming exit out with a dmr and another weapon hiding on his back.  
The timer was at 10 seconds. His body tensed ready to run when the timer would hit Zero.  
5 seconds.   
He wasn’t going to hold back just because knew each other, but to be honest he usually didn't go easy anyways.

Finally the timer hit 0 the horn rang, and Maine spirited across the room to Wyoming. The ground shook underneath Maine from the force given from hitting leg the ground and pushing against it using it as momentum as he continued running. 

The ground shaking caught Wyoming off guard, making him forget for a second that Maine was heading for him. Which was good on Maine’s end, it gave him a to cover a good amount of ground before Wyoming properly composed himself . 

He was half-way there before Wyoming started shooting and he had to start tanking hits from a dmr.  
He could take 16 shots before he started taking major damage it all depended on how composed Wyoming could stay ,it was a 50/50 on Maine’s end. 

He continued running he was 4 shots in and he already felt his shield lower by a thick margin. Maybe he should have questioned Wyoming’s confidence instead of his stress.

That's when he noticed it, Wyoming's breaking moment he started taking steps back making his aim of the dmr lessen in accuracy . Instead of his bullets hitting him head on they grazed his armor hitting the edges. It gave him a chance to catch up ,he pulled out his pistol and set a shot at Wyoming ,it missed but the biggest point was to scare off Wyoming and surprise him .

He couldn’t focus on aim too much when he had to put more energy on running instead.  
He was coming close and then Wyoming took out an assault rifle and let the bullets fly. Maine had to take a new course of action and take a new route, by running around Wyoming instead of straight-forward.

He was tired of stalling, he was getting impatient of circling Wyoming and he finally took a hit from bullets because of coming too close to him, he finally struck a hit . His forearm ramming the side of his head causing him to stumble to the side, before Wyoming could compose himself Maine put another hit on him into his chest knocking the air out of him. 

He fell to the floor, and Maine towered over him like a predator watching his prey from above. His hand grabbed Wyoming by the neck but he didn't squeeze enough to choke him, after Wyoming processed what was happening he started to struggle. It didn’t help him in the slightest in the long run, he brought Wyoming closer to him and growled under his breath to Wyoming .

_“Finished.”_

It caught Wyoming off guard by Maine speaking so clearly and directed to him. A moment later Maine adjusted his grip and threw across the field and into a wall .Wyoming’s body dented the wall heavily and possibly even caused himself a concussion from impact alone.

 _ **“Agent Maine Wins**_.”

The Agents that watched the battle were surprised, maybe not at the outcome by instead the aftermath of the whole fight.

He walked out of the ring and was greeted by Carolina who congratulated him on the victory.  
“Nice job. “She spoke to him as he walked and turned around to give a grunt of thanks which most would understand as something angry or aggressive which it truly wasn’t .

He knew the Agents watched him leave, he knew they would talk about him behind his back. He knew some feared him and thought that he was something supernatural, or even monstrous .Something that was a war machine who would only follow orders and would slaughter the rest, they made theories about who he was in the past, based on his record bio.  
At Least for the parts that weren’t blank.

Even Carolina didn’t know all the details about Maine and his history but it wasn’t really surprising ,he wasn’t the type to willingly share info anyways.  
Maybe one day he would tell them, but now he knew he shouldn’t .

He walked down the hallway to his dorm, he decided to tap out for the day seeing that it was already 23:00 (11pm) and they were due for more exercises the next day.

As he walked closer he noticed something someone beside the door of his dorm. As he came closer he noticed more details about them ; short blond hair, slight muscular build, grey clothing and ...freckles..??

They noticed him when they turned their head and Maine stopped in front of them. They stumbled over their words and spoke.  
 _“Hello, I’m the new Freelancer here and I guess I'm your roommate.?”_  


  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading this chapter ,write your opinion or theories in the comments, it modivates me to write more :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 6 might take a while to come out, I've been having a bit of trouble making it and It's the Final Chapter for when things will actually start rolling into the main plot.  
> I've had chapter 5 ready for a week but I kept delaying the upload because of chaper 6's plan

He remembers it so clearly, the words that were said before he was transferred to the one known as Agent Maine.

The director spoke to him. _“Do what needs to be done.”_

Now the director knows he made a mistake to trust the A.I to keep things under control.

Sigma doesn’t regret anything he did, the only thing he does regret is letting Maine go so easily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maine notices it very much, what does he notice some may ask?

Washington, he’s noticed Washington. Not only that, but how persistent he is, he’s so friendly with him it's borderline…..weird. He tries not to comment on it though, he tries not to be bothered by it,it’s hard . Maine wants to know what he’s trying to achieve with this little sharade, does he want attention? Does he want to have Maine in his grasp like a card in his deck?

Or maybe, he’s just being nice? He doesn’t know. Maine was never good at reading people, that's more of York’s strong suit.

_“Hey do you by any chance know where the cafeteria is?”_

It snaps Maine out of his thoughts he looks at who spoke and sees that it's the one that he was thinking about.He doesn’t speak for the last few seconds before he thinks of a proper answer and lightly nods at him.

The newbie freelancer stumbled over his words and speaks once more.

_“Uh, could you show me where it is?”_

Maine seriously doesn’t know how out of the whole program of Freelancer Washington decided it would be a good idea to ask the quiet brute.

He was sure that at this point the rest of Freelancer would have informed Washington about his track record with newcomers . Maybe they didn’t yet since he is his roommate and he shouldn’t have to be afraid to sleep in the same room as him. Still, he might as well give him a chance.

Maine nodded again and stood up to lead him to the cafeteria.

The trip didn’t take long but it was all in silence , which he preferred in all honesty. He pointed to the main area of the cafeteria and went to leave, he heard Wash mutter a thank you under his breath and Maine stopped in his tracks, giving a growl of welcome in return even though he knew he wouldn’t be able to understand him anyway. 

As Maine went away Wash stared at him, York walked beside the newbie arms crossed, also staring at Maine . He spoke to Washington, _“You know it’s not a good idea to befriend him right?”_

Washington paused, _“Well yeah but…. I don’t think he’s ‘that’ bad like you guys say he is...”_

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maine sits in the fluid chamber, and Victory watches as they write down on a clipboard to make sure everything is going according to plan. It's been 2 days , usually in these operations for Spartans they did everything in one go since they had so many candidates to waste. But here they had only one shot at this .

Victory turned off the gas mixed with the fluid that caused him to go into his deep sleep . With it turned off , his eyes opened with heavy effort, he was calm maybe the aching feeling of his body being still for so long caused him to feel so tired. 

They spoke to him, _“Are you okay?”_

Maine took a minute to even hear what Victory said,his head was pounding with pain. He could hear his heart pound against his chest, his blood pressure increased,his body heated up . He was okay, technically,he thought so at least. He had a hard time remembering what he was thinking about while sleeping,well...thinking was a loose term, it was more like dreaming than anything. 

He knew he was dreaming about the past, something he had no control at this point in time.It was weird how specific the dreams were and the time frame of them too. It was when Washington came into the picture, when they met and their little interactions. 

_**“Disgusting.”** _

Something inside him said, but the feeling in his chest overwhelmed him in a way he couldn’t describe.

Victory knocked on the glass lightly, Maine realized he was taking too long to answer their question, he nodded lightly. They wouldn't be able to hear him speak anyways if he tried.

Victory continued, _“Were you dreaming? If yes that's good to hear,but nightmares might become of them. I’m warning you I know you don’t care but I don’t want you to go into this without knowing what might happen.”_

He would have laughed to himself if he felt the energy to do so, but he didn’t. He had nightmares for the past few months. This was the first time in a while he dreamt of something nice, something that didn’t drown him with guilt . 

_**“Remember the good times.”** _

When he heard the voice in his head he felt his eyes grow heavy, his vision blurred,he saw Victory do something maybe they turned gas back or maybe…..

**_“Remember the good times…..”_ **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s cold.

He felt uncomfortable, sweat covered his back inside his suit,a bead went down his cheek, he felt hot and heavy. Even though snow is what surrounds him, he hears vague mumbles in his head, it's not the one he’s gotten used to for the past few months, it's not his own voice speaking in his head. Its….so many.

_“WHAT DID WE DO?!?!”_

“We’ve caused his skull to collapse.” 

**“It was the only way.”**

_“He’s dead-_

_"Theyre all dead_ _."_

His head ached again with so much going on in his head. He knew this,he remembered these voices, especially the loudest of them all. 

_**“It was worth it all ,for us to be whole again.”** _

He hated this he hated every second of this,but as always he wasn’t in control of his own body. A privilege he now adores,after gaining it back, but the reminder pains him so much. 

When he thinks about it, he can't tell what he hated more.

His own body being used as a shell for the A.I. or

Sigma treating everything like Maine wanted this.

Like Maine wanted brutally murder All of Project Freelancer, like he was okay with what his body was being used for this .

It was all wrong.

Maine was a brute, but he was a protector. Making sure that Washington was off the battlefield , taking a sniper bullet to the shoulder for Carolina, he was one to protect those who needed protecting .

That’s who he is..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He woke up in a cold sweat breathing slowly, looking to the right to see the empty bed of his roommate. He was where he should be, in Freelancer.

He stood up slowly thinking off what was on today's schedule, he couldn’t remember too well but he would have awaken if it was something important.

He stretched and walked quickly into the change room to put on his suit, some didn’t mind training without suits. Usually he didn’t either but nowadays he much rather wear it, he felt comfortable in it. It made him less likely to get connected with the other freelancers too much, he had bad experiences with close connections. The closest Freelancer who knew him more personally was Carolina, she knew his real name but was respectful enough to not use it, ever.

He hated the past, there were very few things he liked about it. He liked his childhood and……other things. But he didn’t like to dig too deep into it..

If he dug in too deep, he’d start to even hate the parts he liked, there was always something bad maybe not on the surface but instead deep within.

He went to the schedule and saw a unusual sight, he was…..in one of the events, a team event. He never signed up for them unless he was required to do so as practice.

_“Hope you don’t mind that we signed you up for a 2v2 against me and North.~”_

South said in an obnoxious tone, but honestly there was no difference between her regular tone. 

Maine growled back at her in response.

_“I told you he wouldn't like it.’_

North said in an empathetic voice, he probably didn't mean to upset Maine ,but what was done is done.

Maine looked back at the schedule South said 2v2 so who was he with…?

**Agent North and South Dakota VS Agent Maine and Washington**

He looked at North and pointed to Washington's name to get an answer of why he was with him specifically.

_“You seem to get along together pretty and South seemed pretty insistent on him being with you.”_

Maine waited a second to process, _“Consented?”_ He needed to make sure Washington was not forced to do this as he was.

_“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.”_ North sounded semi-confident in his knowledge, but Maine wouldn’t trust being only half way sure.

He walked to where Washington’s schedule said he was, Wash perked his head up when he saw Maine and gave a small greeting of hello.

_“What’s up? You need something?”_

_“Schedule..”_ Maine spoke in a gruff voice,it made Washington confused from the single worded answer. It took a few seconds of silence for him to answer and understand.

_“.....Oh!The fight?”_ Washington asked to clarify if he was right about what Maine was talking about. 

Maine nodded and continued speaking. _“Okay?..”_ He needed to know that he was okay with joining the fight with North and South.

“Yeah I’m okay teaming with you.” Wash reassured him,even though that wasn’t what Maine was talking about. But it was sort of nice to hear even if it wasn’t what Maine expected.

Maine didn’t voice his opinion besides a small noise coming from his throat and finally walking away.

He was going to be looking forward to this afternoon... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you've enjoyed Chapter 5 of I'm sorry for what I've done.  
> Sorry for the delay in upload, I'll try to get chapter 6 out in early March.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're getting to real stuff started soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As many can see I was not on time for uploading the chapter, Corona had a little busy. I finished this chapter on March 6th but only uploaded it on March 31st. I kept holding It Off because I wanted to get the 7th chapter at least halfway done before I would upload the 6th. Sadly that has not happened, and the 7th chapter might not be coming out for a while with all this stuff going on.
> 
> Which had to cut me into a little pickle of loss of motivation, but I'm trying to pick up my pace again so dont worry too much. Hopefully I'll have the next chapter done in the month or two, which is long yes but it's probably the best estimate I have the moment.

  
**“Agent North,South & Agent Washington and Maine. **  
**Please lead your way to the main battle.”**  
F.I.L.S.S spoke like she always did, even though Maine had heard her voice so many times it somehow didn’t seem to bother him too much.

He listened and started to make his way to the starting point, he passed by Washington who was taking the same path as him.  
“You ready?”  
Maine grunted in response agreeing.  
“I’m….kinda ready… I guess..”  
Maine stopped ,tilting his head in confusion at what may be stopping him from feeling confident. Well he knew a few possible reasons but he was more concerned at Washington’s reason specifically.   
“ I mean, North and South are more experienced than me, and I’m probably gonna be weighing you down during the fight.”  
Maine grabbed him by the shoulders and spoke one word.  
“No.”  
A refusal and disagreement to his statement.   
Wash was confused by it, that was for certain,but he tried to end the silence with a light cough when Maine let him go.  
“Anyways so what’s the plan?”  
Surprisingly Maine answered with more than a single word to less confuse Wash with.  
“Don’t get hurt .”

“I mean...I was planning on that anyways..”  
But before Wash could say another word Maine already stormed off, whether in anger or he just wanted to be there on time,and Washington surely hoped it was the second option .

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After Washington caught up with Maine to the playing field,the ground rules were set. They would be playing….

Paintball..

Maine felt awful and hated the idea, it was too messy for him. He thought it was a waste of time but South thought otherwise plus Washington and North didn't seem to mind the idea so the majority vote won. 

They didn’t have many weapons for a paintball match but they used what they could, North grabbing something more long ranged, South grabbed two pistol-like paintball guns and Washington grabbed something more regular similar to an assault rifle, leaving Maine with more heavy items to work with. A shotgun-like item was given to him, which would shoot a heavy round of paint plus smaller ones which would come out too for an extra punch.

He didn’t mind the weapon, as long as it worked,he properly equipped it getting an actual grip on it . Washington looked to him to see if he was okay with what he was given, Maine nodded slightly in response.

He knew South and North were definitely ready for this, South looked laid-back and not as tense from when she works with Carolina. North wasn’t as calm, but he wasn’t scared instead he looked ready. 

F.I.L.S.S spoke up again to countdown. Maine didn’t pay attention to the numbers but instead the horn that would come after. South immediately sprints for the two of them, Maine takes a shot she easily dodges it but he stunned her for a second. North on the other hand was getting ready to line up a shot at the two of them.

Maine opened a private comm to Wash .“Take South.”   
Before he could even process it, Maine was already running for North, surprising him when he shot a blast of paint at him. It barely missed,North shot a blast of paint at Maine, it landing on his leg.

Washington had to deal with South her two pistols didn’t out match his gun in speed but South beat him in skill. His assault rifle’s rapid fire kept her at a distance from throwing herself at him meaning both literally or with a knife. It wouldn't have been surprising if South brought a knife to a gun fight won, she was great with them after all. 

Washington could only hold her off for so long before she got bored and actually got serious. He had to trust Maine’s judgement and that whatever his plan was that it would work. He lost focus for a second,vision turning blurry by just a bit, losing aim on the main target by a bit, giving a weak point to South. 

Maine continued his assault on North, he needed to reload his weapon and North was in close range so he couldn’t use his weapon on him, with him being so close to North .Maine pulled a punch on him,making him stumble backwards from being hit so hard. It gave Maine a second to reload, the sound of the gun clunking froze him,Maine grabbed him by the neck. He struggled in his grip,but it was useless Maine already had a death grip on him. He aimed the shotgun at the bottom of his chin,and finally fired, paint splattering everywhere. The colour even landing on Maine’s armor, and then F.I.L.S.S spoke.

**“Agent North has been eliminated from the game.”**

Maine then dropped North to the floor,the sound of paint firing which wasn’t his made him turn to Washington, who got shot once by South before he started to dodge her. Washington was backing away in Maine’s direction, Maine turned to take North’s gun only to see that he had taken it away off field, there wasn’t much he could do.   
Maine’ s gun was too slow to reload if he missed a shot and it would have been wasted. South was done playing games, when he would come to help Wash they would get eliminated with a barrage of paint. Leaving them at a total loss for the game, Maine ran at Washington while he saw South reload a large sum of paint .He grabbed Washington, embracing him in his grip pulling him in the opposite direction of South. With Maine’s back facing South, paint flew at his back covering him,and only him. Washington was safe in his arms, no paint had reached him from the barrage.

**“Agent Maine has been eliminated from the game.”**

Maine was forced to get out of the field, leaving Washington with South. In the end they didn’t win but as North quoted. “It was a good bonding experience.” Yeah, it sure was fun to spend half an hour washing the paint out of their armor.

When Maine was finished with the task of cleaning his armor,Wash walked up to him. He- ...Maine was confused, he wasn’t wearing his helmet. Maine didn’t understand why, he felt his body stiffened,his heart sped up, his face heated up like it never did before. This never happened, this wasn’t supposed to happen, he remembers this doesn’t happen so early on. He doesn't see Washington's face after the paintball match. He knows it doesn’t happen, his mindset breaks from this being reality, it’s not real.  
None of this is real!

And yet…. that doesn’t stop him from listening to what Washington says, watching the expression on his face turn into a smile. His eyes closed, his mouth turned into a grin, looking up at Maine. He recognized that look from so long ago he wanted to see it again.

Maine felt himself more keen to listen to him, for whatever reason.  
“Thanks a lot for protecting me out there.”

Maine felt his heart sink, that’s what his job is, right?  
Protecting others, protecting his friends, protecting…. Washington.

“Your welcome.” Maine growled under his breath, he turned around from Washington. He didn’t want to walk away from this, he wanted to stay. He didn’t have control of his movement anymore. Only the pixels that faded his vision turning it into a black abyss, he felt cold.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maine woke up breathing heavily, his muscles tensed, water dripping down his back. He was cold but he didn’t mind it anymore, he wasn’t buried under metres and metres of ice so this was nothing to him. He felt frantic, his heart rate was regular but was in need of movement. He felt the need and the greed to have what he wanted in his grasp.

Victory walked in. “Maine how are you feeling, MA-?!?”  
Maine was already trying to take out the needles in his arm giving him fluids. They tried to call out to stop him but before they could he already had them out.

“Calm down! You need to slow down.”

While Maine on the other hand shook his head in disagreement his body stood up towering over Victory, his body was still wet ,liquid dripping onto the floor. 

Maine was in a rush so much that he didn’t notice the new change to his frame. He looked much more muscular than he did before the operation, maybe even more than his time at Freelancer. He was already tall standing at 8’3 so there wasn’t much of a difference from what Victory could tell at least. But who knows maybe his height did increase by an inch or two, it was normal for a spartan to increase in height by a large margin but that didn’t seem to be the case for Maine. He mostly likely grew only slightly, it was most likely better for Maine in the long run, he already was tall enough as it is.

With all these new changes in his body, testing should be required. Of course Maine thought otherwise, it took Victory a minute or two to think about it.

“You want to find your friend?”

They asked Maine in a calm and curious manner, and it was the only time Maine stopped in his step. And he nodded in reply..

“Who is it?”

When in the past they asked that question Maine wouldn’t ever give a clear answer so they hoped that maybe he would answer the everlasting question.

“Agent Washington.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this Chapter of this story.   
> Comment if you can and have a good day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this story!  
> There will be chapters soon to come, comment if you can!


End file.
